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trouble with son
Date: 2007/05/08 06:09 By: smackley Status: Visitor  
 
Hi,
OK guys, here it goes. I have a 14 year old son who is quite different than other kids his age. He has ADHD, a slight learning disability and has trouble with being social. We moved from Florida to Maine last August after 12 years, where he went to a private school and was able to fit in in his own way and had friends. He hasn't made one friend at the public school here, he is a lot smarter than most of the other kids his age and is interested in things like origami, nature, studying plants and flowers, cooking, and has a broader feminine side than most other boys his age. He does like archery, fishing, and things but most sports he is clumsy at and gets made fun of and called "gay" at school. He was recently suspended from school for something he didn't say. He said something to a girl that was taken out of context and she ran home and told her Mom he said something he didn't so the Mom called the school and next thing I know he is written up and suspended on April 11. We just had a meeting at his school today, after he spent several hours over the last couple of weeks with the school psychologist to see if he was a risk and the psychologist said he is not, he has no history of violence and he insisted to the psychologist and to me that he didn't say what he was accused of but there have been instances on the school bus where he did swear at some girl so I didn't believe him because the assistant prinicipal insisted he admitted to saying it. Then a teacher spoke up and said she heard what was said (it was at a faculty/student basketball game and she was sitting nearby). She said he did not say what he was accused of in so many words and that the girl took what he said out of context, so he was suspended for something that was mistaken. I felt bad and apologized to him for not believing him because he had become so upset and cried and said he was depressed because none of the kids at school liked him and they picked on him. His Dad won't respond as he is still in Florida and has pretty much written us off as "out of sight, out of mind". I feel so bad for my kids, especially my son because he has no male figure to emulate and he either gets on with kids younger than him or adults but not kids his age. They are holding him back this year because he failed all his classes but two and I know that is weighing on his mind also but he has to pass before he can go to high school. Now they have decided to keep him in the special ed room all day instead of the integrated classroom where he does not do his work. He doesn't learn like other kids and the psychologist pointed that out. He learns hands on not by doing bookwork and paper after paper. I wish there was something I could do like home school but I couldn't do the higher grades plus I just had a back fusion so after I recover I am going to try to find some part time work because we are struggling on child support and alimony and their Dad doesn't give a hoot. I asked about Big Brothers but I guess there is a list because there aren't a lot of volunteers for boys. I am really angry about this school suspending him for so long, especially since he didn't say what he was accused of and there is a teacher for a witness. What would any of you do???????
Sheila:(
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Re:trouble with son
Date: 2007/05/08 06:38 By: Jp Status: Visitor  
 
Hiya Shelia
I just wanted to say that what you said sounds verbatum to what was going on with both my brothers in high school--the same age too.
This might sound kind of maybe not do-able or a little excessive but what about home schooling your son?
My mom got so fed up with the school district in our small town--the teachers are all coaches and they all root on the "sporty" kids and they help the sports stars more then they do the kids that actually need help. My brother was 2 years younger then me in high school and he had the worst time. He was also a little add--he wasnt hyper but more like bored and tended to "doodle" and draw instead of listen to the teachers. My brother in high school tried to do sports to try and be like the other "guys" but he wasn't good he was just clumsy. My brother is really tall and lanky and fair skinned guys in his class would make fun of him and call him gay too because he didnt do sports and he was so slender as opposed to muscley or fat like the guys in football or wrestling. My brother also failed almost all his classes and the teachers approached my mom telling her that she should put my brother in special ed classes (with the handicap kids) and my mom said that was an insult. My brother was NOT handicapped the teachers just dont try to help kids like my brother well, and your son, they ignore kids that aren't top notch. My brother only had a friend or 2 in school. He was really shy.
After the school told my mom about putting him in special ed mom pulled all 3 of my siblings from the school district and she home schooled them.
My brother was home schooled for 2 years and graduated and walked with his diploma with a B/C+ Average GPA--he graduated NOT with the school district here but thru the home school they went thru a different district in a near by city and he got his diploma thru them.
My brother went to college for auto body painting and collision repair and hes a real gear head now :p His only challenge now is with chicks haha poor guy just cant get a date but hes still really shy and lanky and has his own interests. But he's making nice money and he's a handsome intellegent guy.
My other little brother had the same troubles in school--teachers thought he was Autistic :-0 !! because he was so quiet and didn't participate and wasn't outgoing and didnt do well in school. But he's about to graduate this summer doing 5 years of home schooling! He's also around a C+ B average and he's already taking courses at the community college for welding.

Home schooling isn't what you think tho--it's not like you have to be there 8 hours of the day and teaching them...you talk to the school district or do some research and find out what district supports the home schooling. Your son would either buy books or use the district books he'd do as many lessons as you want him to do in a day or week. He'd have other kids to interact with at least once a week--youd take him to the district and all the other home school kids would do "art" or "gym" class together. Also once a week a district home school teacher would visit your home or you'd go to the district and have updates or meetings with the teacher so she knows how things are going and making sure he's doing all that he needs. This way you can go at a pace for your son that works for him. You can keep him away from the dickhead kids at school that will only bring you and HIM down--plus thats such a negative way to get thru school--how the hell does a kid learn when he has to DREAD going to school everyday to be TORTURED by little shits you know?

So home school isnt bad at all. If you work full time, see if a grandparent can keep an eye on him during the day? or if you can check in on your son a fe times a day then just make sure he's at home and doing his daily homework and at night when you get home then go over your lessons with him just for review or at night this can be the time you can have him take his "tests" or pop quizes. :)

I really hope you look in to that tho. As a big sister to my pretty shy and low self esteemed little fragile brothers i reallly feared my one brother would get so low that he'd hurt himself or worse :( I was really glad that my mom took charge and told this school district that they suck and she got my brothers to study at home...and over all its been a WAY better experience for them! I doubt they would have graduated in a regular school....if they did i doubt theyd have the grades and ambition they do now.

if you have any other questions please do post back i'll help all i can with what i know about home school. but i wish i could give your little guy a hug right now...give him LOTS of hugs and love and tell him for now to just ignore the kids! or tell him to tell teachers that kids are HARASSING him...that word tends to spark motivation in teachers---specially now-a-days!

Ooh i wish you so much luck! I hope you go with the home school! I hope for your son to succeed specially knowing it worked for my bros.
:D
jp
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