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Learn to share your feelings with the man in your life without scaring him off.
Hi, Ladies, if your relationship was going
incredibly, beautifully, thrillingly well right
from the beginning, and now you just don't know
what happened...
It feels like it's falling apart because he just
won't COMMIT to you...my Commitment Blueprint
program will help you.
I know how frustrating it is when a man just won't
"snap to," no matter how wonderful we are to him,
no matter how good we are in bed, or how great the
chemistry and fun once WAS - and I know how doing
the wrong things, things that actually push a man
away, can ruin everything.
>To learn exactly what TO DO and what NOT TO DO to
make him feel compelled to claim you instantly in
a lifelong commitment - even if you're feeling so
angry you're always either trying to avoid a fight
or finding yourself in the middle of one - take a
look at the Blueprint; you can watch some of it
and even try the whole program out for absolutely
free for a full 30 days right here:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
Dear Ladies,
Do you feel like anger is wrecking your love
life?
And if you could just manage your anger better,
or if HE would just STOP making you ANGRY,
everything would be okay?
If you do, then you know what a problem it can
be to manage it.
If you stuff it down, it either explodes out
exactly when you don't want it to, or it makes you
sick.
And if you try to express it, he accuses you of
complaining and whining and being "dramatic," or
he just withdraws.
And even worse, if you're like I was, you can't
FEEL your anger.
Instead, you just feel this lumpy, heavy,
dreadful sensation all the time.
It's like a confusion, a lostness and sadness
that I used to take for the "blues," when really,
I was ANGRY!
Well, what if your anger could be the best
thing you've got going for you?
So that instead of having to shove it aside or
bury it, you could treasure it, enjoy it and USE
it to deepen your relationship with your man?
You can.
Anger is just another emotion in your inner
"Soup" of emotions.
And it just happens to be one of the most
POWERFUL ones.
We women aren't taught to handle anger, like
boys are.
We're supposed to be nice and sweet and flowery
and gentle.
And that's how we get ourselves into trouble.
Because we weren't taught that anger was okay,
we never became "friends" with our rage and
competitive impulses, and so we never got to
practice how to deal with them.
But now you can.
Your anger is so powerful, that if you don't
acknowledge it, embrace it, and express it (and
there are ways to express anger you might not even
have heard of - yet) it will RUN you.
And it will RUN you in ways you don't want.
The easiest, fastest, and most wonderful-
feeling way to keep your anger from running you,
and to keep yourself from turning it against
yourself into self-blame and depression, is to
FIND OUT ABOUT IT.
***Here's a letter from "Lonely in Ohio," who's
fighting her anger by stuffing it down, and
finding that even then, her unexpressed anger is
running her relationship and causing distance
between her and her husband:
"Dear Rori,
I am confused. I have always had a temper, and I
am now learning to control my temper. I have been
taught to "pick my battles" so to speak, and not
haggle over every little thing. I am trying to
learn how to control my feelings, and I started
reading your e-mails, and your e-book, etc.
I've been practicing your advice (and it is
working with the man in my life - who has even
SAID he was "waiting for me to blow" and he "wants
to see the real me." Little by little we are
getting closer and closer - but I still have this
confusion over "controlling" myself and expressing
my feelings.
When is it too much to overload a man with my
feelings? Please let me know what you think, as I
am sure there are many other women who feel the
same way....
This Saturday my husband and I will have been
married for 17 years. I wish to stay married and
pursue happiness together. He acts distant and
picks on me about the house being "disorganized".
It's a nice clean house and I do all of the basics
for him and always have.
He has to look hard to find fault but he finds
it. I try to give him space and meet his needs. He
doesn't seem to care what I want or need or pursue
me in any way in the least.
If I ask him, he says he's still attracted to me
but doesn't like my anger. I am only angry at the
lack of love and companionship and I don't think I
express it inappropriately.
He claims if I were less angry he'd be more
loving......Any advice? Lonely in Ohio"
***And Here's a letter from "No Angel," who's
doing the exact OPPOSITE of "Lonely" by allowing
her anger to run her as if she has NO CONTROL at
all over either her anger, her words, or how she
relates to her man.
"Dear Rori, I lived with my boyfriend of a year.
He broke up with me and kicked me out of our home.
I don't blame him because of the way I acted.
I never lied or cheated or anything like that but
I acted out of insecurity. I'm the opposite from
most. Instead of showing my weak insecurity it was
easier for me to be mean, start arguments and to
act indifferent around other people.
There are lots of things I did right, too, but
there was too much arguing caused by the two of us
reacting to one another which was a lot of my
fault. This breakup has really shown me how I had
the wrong mindset and have been doing it my whole
life. I have learned so much I feel like a new
woman whose actions in retrospect are so NOT ME.
We had broken up here and there but never for this
long...it has now been three months and he will
not give us another chance to start over no matter
what I do. Do you have any advice and can your
book help me at all? Thank you, No Angel"
*****
Dear "Lonely" and "No Angel,"
My heart goes out to you both, and to all of us
who're working our way toward understanding our
anger and using it for our own good instead of
being at the mercy of our anger and everyone
else's, too.
Anger is at the root of so many of our problems
- women and men both.
War is a constant in our world.
War between individuals and War between
countries.
>War between ideas and opinions, and War between
lovers.
War between us and ourselves.
But ANGER is different from WAR.
Anger is just a feeling.
It doesn't DO anything - it's just an energetic
FEELING inside us that goes through all the cells
of our bodies and affects us deeply.
And when we're FEELING our feelings, other
people can feel something, too.
They usually feel more CONNECTED to us, because
experiencing us FEELING our feelings helps them to
get in touch with THEIR OWN feelings.
This is how it works in a romantic relationship
with a man.
If we're feeling our feelings, he'll feel us
feeling, and then he'll get in touch with his own
feelings, and he'll feel connected to us.
It's like a Heart-To-Heart Connection.
But the moment we take "feeling" a step
further, and SPEAK, or DO something - everything
changes.
All of a sudden our ACTIONS create a whole new
dynamic out there in the world.
What we say, and what we do, have an effect on
everyone else.
If, out of anger, we attack someone else,
verbally or physically, they will react very
differently than if they're experiencing us just
FEELING.
Let's say we hit someone.
Chances are they will react in a defensive way.
They might hit us back.
And then it would just get worse.
We'd hit, we'd yell, they'd hit, they'd yell,
and very soon we'd be at War with each other.
Even if we make up later, we'll always remember
that awful War, and it will change forever how we
feel about each other.
If we're lucky, and the other person is more
mature and finds another way to solve the
situation - by talking, diplomatically perhaps,
with words, or engaging us in a martial arts way
and disarming us without harming us, or just
being self-protective by running away or calling
for help - we may not be at War, but we will
certainly still have changed the relationship
forever.
Anger expressed as "Drama" and verbal attacks,
no matter how righteously angry we believe we are
(and we're ALL angry inside about SOMETHING) can
feel, to a man, like a betrayal might feel to US.
It might be something a man is not willing to
"get over."
So for "No Angel," you may have truly changed
the way you process and express your anger, but
your man may not be wi
lling to forgive and forget.
This is not the end of the world, even if it
feels like it.
Really - it's a new beginning.
Because you may be forgetting, right now, by
taking so much of the "blame" on yourself, that
your man was contributing big-time to creating so
much anger for you.
And, if you really have learned how to manage
your anger and speak about it in a better, more
connected way, you may find yourself meeting a
MUCH better man for you!
I've seen this happen over and over again.
So, please, No Angel, don't get stuck on this
one man.
Take your changes and your new self and meet
and date new men who have never even met that old,
angry, argumentative, attacking, fighting, WARRING
self, and begin a new love of peace and
contentment, where disagreements are solved
without pain.
"Lonely" is doing something different from No
Angel - stuffing her anger down and then
exploding.
I remember doing exactly the same thing -
trying to control my feelings, stuffing them down,
but I took it even further.
I never really exploded.
I stuffed my anger so deep inside of me even I
couldn't find it.
The weird thing about doing that, though, is
that we don't get rid of the anger.
We don't make it smaller, it doesn't fade with
time.
Nope.
Instead, it grows inside us, like a monster.
It gets bigger and bigger, and its voice gets
louder and louder inside our heads and bodies.
And what happens is, we either get very sick
from it, or we explode one day and damage our
relationship beyond repair.
So what's the solution?
How do we deal with our righteous anger in a
way that brings a man CLOSER, instead of pushing
him away for good?
I was lucky to find my anger and learn to turn
it into one of my biggest assets - and before I
got horribly sick or exploded.
Even though it felt like my marriage was beyond
repair about four years into it, I had never
exploded.
Instead, I was anxious and tense, and making
him wrong all the time.
Though all three of us, Lonely, No Angel and I,
were expressing and not expressing our anger in
different ways, we were all having the same result
- damaging our relationships and pushing the men
we wanted away.
Here's how it worked out for me:
I slowly came to realize that I wasn't sad, I
wasn't depressed, I wasn't frustrated or
overwhelmed or too busy.
I was MAD.
I was mad at everyone.
I was mad at my husband for making me feel so
angry, and I was mad at myself just for BEING
angry.
I was irritated and angry at everyone who
slowed me down or tried to tell me what to do.
But I couldn't bear that picture of myself.
I was terrified of my angry, irritable self.
So I tried to be the "nicest" woman on the
planet.
Even though I was a "know-it-all" at home, with
a big smile and a solution for everyone and
everything at every moment, I did it with a smile.
I was just so mad, I spent most of my energy
trying to cover it up.
Even my years in therapy had done me little
good.
I'd found my grief, but not my anger.
I was still afraid, on some deep level, of my
anger.
And then, one day, out of the blue, I just
"got" it.
I understood that I was "okay" with being sad.
I was okay with my grief and pain.
But I suddenly realized I was NOT OKAY with
being angry.
Every moment I'd even FELT angry, I thought I
was being BAD.
I'd immediately feel GUILTY, and then bounce
right back to FEAR, and then to sadness and grief
and depression and feeling stuck.
And in that one moment of clarity, just before,
finally, exploding in total frustration, I asked
myself a simple question.
I asked myself - what am I angry at?
And a whole slew of words and reasons went
through my brain, so many that I grabbed a piece
of paper and wrote them all down.
And everything I wrote had to do with another
person or a circumstance.
Until, finally, I wrote:
I'm angry with MYSELF for allowing this to
HAPPEN.
And that was it.
I'd put myself between a rock and a hard place.
I'd made it so that I felt so bad about myself
on such a deep level (I couldn't even get to it
until I started asking these kinds of questions),
that I couldn't be comfortable being SUCCESSFUL,
either in my work or in my marriage.
And so I was almost automatically holding
myself back, and then even MORE angry at myself
for letting that happen.
I made it so that every time I even THOUGHT
about WANTING success in work and in love, I'd
swat myself back down.
I'd say to myself, "Who do you think you are,
you angry person, you?"
I'd say to myself, "Who are you to want all
that?"
I'd say to myself, "You can't have what you
want, so you'd better work REAL HARD to get it
from HIM."
And then, of course, I WOULDN'T get it from
him.
But I WOULD FEEL BETTER!
How can that be, that I would feel better when
he wouldn't give me what I wanted?
The answer is: "Because I'd worked it out that
way."
I'd made absolutely sure that he couldn't and
wouldn't give me what I wanted - just because of
the way I'd asked for it - so that when he didn't
give it to me (as I could have predicted), I could
be angry at HIM instead of MYSELF!
This is all a very odd and weird kind of
psychological game we all play with ourselves, and
it really helps to know this is how we work when
low self-esteem has us by the throat.
We go back and forth between blaming ourselves
and blaming our men for the situation we find
ourselves in.
Well...the moment I caught on to how I was
working this, and how it wasn't helping me at all
to have what I really wanted, I was able to start
figuring out new ways to relate to my husband.
The truth is, since this whole wretched thing
is a cycle, there's no one particular place to
start.
Low self-esteem may be at the bottom of it all,
but if you're in the middle of an argument, or
feeling sorry for yourself, you may not be able to
go to "Self-Esteem 101."
I think the reason therapy didn't work as well
as it should have for me was that "understanding
something" and "doing something about it" are
completely different things.
That's why, in my work, I start with helping
you to understand, but quickly give you actual,
real steps to take to break this cycle and feel
free and happy and loved.
Here are the different ways my books and CDs
can help you:
If you don't have my Have The Relationship You
Want eBook, this is the time to get it so you can
understand the basics and get some fast results
going for you.
My eBook will help you:
-- Quickly learn how to transform your love life
by speaking so a man will hear, and listening so
he'll open up and talk to you
-- The secret of "Feminine Energy" and how it you
can use this technique to make yourself
irresistible to him
-- How to get more of your relationship by doing
less, even when you think you have to "do it all"
most of the time.
-- How to stay true to yourself and express your
feelings in a way that doesn't push him away, so
he'll want to please you and make you feel happy
and loved.
And the best part is that you can be reading
it in minutes, and take a full 7 days to decide
whether or not it's helpful to you:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
And to check out all of my programs - watch
them, listen to them, read about each of them, to
find out which one will work the fastest for you
in your unique situation - just go now to my
catalog page:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
While you're waiting for your program to come,
here's the fastest way to get out of this anger
cycle, no matter WHERE you are in it:
>1. The moment you realize you're Leaning
Forward with your man, Stop.
2. Stop talking, stop moving, stop thinking.
>3. Get your body very still.
4. Breathe in and out through your HEART.
5. Now ask yourself what it is you're feeling.
6. Don't go into your head for an answer -
start small.
You might be shutting down the moment you
ask yourself - be prepared for that by answering
what's TRUE in the moment - like "I'm FEELING shut
down." (Notice the word "Feel" in there.)
Start with a sensation if that helps - "I
feel TENSE in my tummy."
7. Now - ask yourself - What am I angry at?
8. You might have to leave the room to go write
this down or just process it. Just tell him you
don't want to argue and leave to go talk to
YOURSELF.
9. If the answer to your question is "I'm angry
at HIM, for doing.......fill in the blank here,"
then you're halfway there!
10. Now, say out loud exactly what you're mad
at him for.
11. Now - CHANGE THE WORDS.
Cross out anything that says YOU or HIM, and
only leave in sentences that say "I feel...."
(you'll find the template for how to do this in
the eBook, and then I go into more detail in the
Toolkit and Reconnect).
It might look like - "I feel so sad." Or "I
feel so frustrated." Or "I feel so lonely."
12. Now STOP talking, and just listen to him.
13. No matter what he says, listen.
If you can do this the next time you feel an
argument starting, you will change everything
between you and your man.
If you can do this the next time you're even
THINKING about how ANGRY you are, you'll be
lifting your self-esteem.
And please, if you're able to do ANY of this,
for even a few "Rounds" with him (Talking instead
of Boxing), then please pat yourself on the back,
give yourself a huge hug, and go do something nice
for yourself.
And you'll be on your way to the relationship
you want and deserve.
If you're angry - do something about it! Take
action for yourself, to heal yourself, to stop
tolerating what you've been tolerating - and share
your feelings in an open, truthful way that WORKS
with a man.
It will bring him closer and repair the
relationship.
Through my "Reconnect" audio CD program, I will
teach you exactly what to do and what to stop
doing to rekindle the passion, intimacy and
connection between you that feels so lost.
I'll show you how simple it is to change your
words and body language so your man will do
whatever it takes to reconnect with YOU, rather
than you constantly struggling to connect to him.
This is 6 full hours of material, and me
guiding you each step of the way.
In "Reconnect" you'll learn:
-- Specific techniques to undo the damage, reverse
all the mistakes, and create an unbreakable bond
with your man that will keep him devoted to you
forever
-- The most common mistakes you're probably making
right now (because nearly ALL women have been
taught the wrong approach) - you think doing these
things will bring a man closer, but they actually
push him away
-- The best ways to express your feelings and
fears that will draw a man closer to you, no
matter how distant he seems right now
Learn more or order your copy by clicking on this
link:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
Let me know how you're doing, so I can write
these eLetters to help you as much as I can in
your specific situation - I love hearing from you.
Love, Rori
P.S. Are you angry because he doesn't appreciate
what he has in you, and is acting wishy-washy
about committing himself to you?
Don't spend another minute feeling bad about this!
Take a moment and read what I wrote about why men
commit and what can trigger them (it's not because
he doesn't love you or doesn't think you're not
"good enough"):
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
User: creatyoureality, Wayne, PA
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