There are lots of things I did right, too, but
there was too much arguing caused by the two of us
reacting to one another which was a lot of my
fault. This breakup has really shown me how I had
the wrong mindset and have been doing it my whole
life. I have learned so much I feel like a new
woman whose actions in retrospect are so NOT ME.

We had broken up here and there but never for this
long...it has now been three months and he will
not give us another chance to start over no matter
what I do. Do you have any advice and can your
book help me at all? Thank you, No Angel"

*****

Dear "Lonely" and "No Angel,"

My heart goes out to you both, and to all of us
who're working our way toward understanding our
anger and using it for our own good instead of
being at the mercy of our anger and everyone
else's, too.

Anger is at the root of so many of our problems
- women and men both.

War is a constant in our world.

War between individuals and War between
countries.

>War between ideas and opinions, and War between
lovers.

War between us and ourselves.

But ANGER is different from WAR.

Anger is just a feeling.

It doesn't DO anything - it's just an energetic
FEELING inside us that goes through all the cells
of our bodies and affects us deeply.

And when we're FEELING our feelings, other
people can feel something, too.

They usually feel more CONNECTED to us, because
experiencing us FEELING our feelings helps them to
get in touch with THEIR OWN feelings.

This is how it works in a romantic relationship
with a man.

If we're feeling our feelings, he'll feel us
feeling, and then he'll get in touch with his own
feelings, and he'll feel connected to us.

It's like a Heart-To-Heart Connection.

But the moment we take "feeling" a step
further, and SPEAK, or DO something - everything
changes.

All of a sudden our ACTIONS create a whole new
dynamic out there in the world.

What we say, and what we do, have an effect on
everyone else.

If, out of anger, we attack someone else,
verbally or physically, they will react very
differently than if they're experiencing us just
FEELING.

Let's say we hit someone.

Chances are they will react in a defensive way.

They might hit us back.