And what happens is, we either get very sick
from it, or we explode one day and damage our
relationship beyond repair.

So what's the solution?

How do we deal with our righteous anger in a
way that brings a man CLOSER, instead of pushing
him away for good?

I was lucky to find my anger and learn to turn
it into one of my biggest assets - and before I
got horribly sick or exploded.

Even though it felt like my marriage was beyond
repair about four years into it, I had never
exploded.

Instead, I was anxious and tense, and making
him wrong all the time.

Though all three of us, Lonely, No Angel and I,
were expressing and not expressing our anger in
different ways, we were all having the same result
- damaging our relationships and pushing the men
we wanted away.

Here's how it worked out for me:

I slowly came to realize that I wasn't sad, I
wasn't depressed, I wasn't frustrated or
overwhelmed or too busy.

I was MAD.

I was mad at everyone.

I was mad at my husband for making me feel so
angry, and I was mad at myself just for BEING
angry.

I was irritated and angry at everyone who
slowed me down or tried to tell me what to do.

But I couldn't bear that picture of myself.

I was terrified of my angry, irritable self.

So I tried to be the "nicest" woman on the
planet.

Even though I was a "know-it-all" at home, with
a big smile and a solution for everyone and
everything at every moment, I did it with a smile.

I was just so mad, I spent most of my energy
trying to cover it up.

Even my years in therapy had done me little
good.

I'd found my grief, but not my anger.

I was still afraid, on some deep level, of my
anger.

And then, one day, out of the blue, I just
"got" it.

I understood that I was "okay" with being sad.

I was okay with my grief and pain.

But I suddenly realized I was NOT OKAY with
being angry.

Every moment I'd even FELT angry, I thought I
was being BAD.

I'd immediately feel GUILTY, and then bounce
right back to FEAR, and then to sadness and grief
and depression and feeling stuck.