Constantly engage in what works...
Hey Guys--
I received a very good email today from a man struggling with removing the social programming installed by the girlie men in the media.
It's something many men are faced with, and truthfully it's not easy to get rid of... but you CAN get rid of it. Read his question, and my answer below..
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Hello Mr. Alanis,
Please, HELP!! My question for you is how do you remove "social programming"? I am getting better at approaching, and I am comfortable with talking to women (which sets them at ease), but somehow the "socially programmed girlie man" creeps in with "be nice, that's what she wants", and I know that it is not true - they don't want that at all!
Well, needless to say, when that happens, my body language and my words don't match, and it's all but over. I usually end up with another "friend" that actually isn't what either of us were looking for...
Any advice or techniques to overcome this would be great!
And, thank you for your time!!
Curt
JA: Thanks for the email, Curt--it brings up an important topic. What you have to understand is, this social programming has been there since birth, and in the last several years it is getting worse. There is a shrillness to the girlie men that has not previously been there, and they are getting more and more desperate as time continues to pass and their philosophies are proven utterly wrong by reality.
It's not going to go away in a day, a week, or a month, but bit by bit you can undo it by constantly engaging in what works. Think of it as reprogramming yourself one piece of code at a time. The better you get, and the more comfortable you are with women, the old beliefs will slowly start to fade until one day you're surprised they are no longer there.
Mentally you have to be prepared for social programming to keep kicking in (it does not go quietly), but you can't let yourself get down about it. Realize this is a long process with a reward at the end few men will ever experience. Just keep doing what you are doing, and over time the social programming will disappear... but it does take time.
On with the fun,
-John Alanis "The King of Let 'em Come to You"
PS Be sure to check out my witty saying of the day (it comes with a picture of a hot woman, and you've got to see today's), one line of wisdom, sarcasm and entertainment on my new blog at
It's so cool you'll want to pass it around and leave your own witty saying--see if you can top mine!
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Oh, and hey, forward this email to your friends, too--don't leave them out of the fun!
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Keep-up the good work and thank you for bringing people together from around the world!
Daphenie ARUBA
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